Disclaimer... Just so we understand each other from the start...

Don't expect this to be one of those recipes where You're told exactly what to do at each step of the way Or even where everything turns out as promised or planned Life isn't like that; why should you expect your soup to be? Wouldn't that be too mundane?

Now for those brave souls that continue...

Get yourself adequate amounts of the following things Adequate depends on your personal proclivities, of course, but I will provide you only with some guidance based on my own...

Cauliflower (2 large heads)
Broccoli (2 large heads)
(Eh, If you couldn't anticipate those first 2 ingredients, please have your keeper do all the chopping and cutting)
Scallions (a couple of bunches?)
Onions (standard issue type; i.e., non-scallion - maybe 3?)
Fresh mushrooms ( Eh, ... one of those containers that's about 3" X 4" X 8")
Celery (Get an intact stalk, we're going to be very wasteful here and only use the inside bits and leaves)
Butter (as much as your conscience, significant other, or arteries will allow)
Extra virgin olive oil (good luck... never understood the use of those 2 adjectives in combination)
Milk (real milk, like 2% or so... None of this skim or 1% nonsense. "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here" - if you cheat, and use skim - I'm only going to insist you add more cheddar cheese later to increase the fat and cholesterol to appropriate hedonistic levels... this is a very PAGAN soup... spellbinding and all that)
Campbell's Cream of Celery Soup (C'mon... no one REALLY knows what's in there. And maybe that's why it fits the philosphy of this recipe > toucans)
(OK, maybe that was too off-the-wall cryptic... toucans = 2 cans)
Worcestershire sauce (Any will do, however the only condition I insist upon here, is that any time you're around Kate, you pronounce it Wooooooster-shire, rather than Wuster-shire. Never miss an opportunity to irritate Kate or any other English teacher. Make that your credo.)
Salt (Ah...can never have too much)
Pepper (Don't come freakin' near this soup with anything other than fresh ground after all the work you're about to do)
Tabasco (I use McIlheny's pepper sauce, red)
Cheddar Cheese!!! (Don't leave home without it…)

You're also going to need a good-sized cauldron to toss all this stuff into ultimately. SO, as you're deciding on the dimensions of your appetite and the requisite ingredients... keep that in mind in selecting the pot. (I can't tell you how many times I've prepped the individual ingredients, letting my excesses run rampant, and then found that I couldn't assemble them all in one pot.) Before that, you need a large teflon skillet for sautee-ing bits and pieces, and a pot of boiling water to soften-up the broccoli and cauliflower.

Got all your stuff? Good. Now get a couple of cutting boards, a few sharp knives, and a close friend (failing that, a relative will suffice) or two to help chop, slice, stir, pour, etc. Give your least favorite participant the job of cutting the onions and scallions. That's part of the fun.

Chopping, etc: Broccoli and cauliflower into bits no larger than about 1 - 1½ inches. But,again, it's up to you... Put these all into a holding bowl, we'll come back to them later.

Put some butter and some extra virgin into the large skillet. (that is, if you're lucky enough to have an extra virgin around… Ah, Groucho Marx, get out of my head... there's too many other voices in there)

Set this on low heat while you:
Slice the mushrooms (hey, go crazy... maybe half or more of the pack)
Chop the scallions (about a cup)
Chop the 3 onions (but not chopped too small!! We don't want everything in here to look the same)
Celery - take off the outer, older stalks. What we want here is the softer inner stalk, and especially the leaves. Chop up about 2 cups worth. Although more will do no irreparable damage)

OK - toss the onions and scallions in, as well as the celery... turn up the heat. You want these to get clear but NOT repeat NOT carmelize - trust me on this, this is the one place you can actually screw up). Have the most trusted member of your slave crew ride herd on this skillet.

This is a good time to put the milk (Oh, about a half-gallon to start) into the cauldron, and set on low heat. Add the 2 cans of Cream of Celery soups too, why don't you?

Start some water boiling in a large pot. Now toss in the broccoli and cauliflower, don't use too much water, you're steaming them more than drowning them. Cover and check until the contents are just soft enough to deal with - you decide.

OK - Onions, scallions, celery going good? Now push them to the sides of the pan and put the mushrooms in there in the middle. Shove the onions, etc. back over top of the mushrooms now. Let this go until the mushrooms are softened up.

This is also a good time to have someone shred a good sized block of yellow cheddar cheese. I usually use up one of those 1" X 3" X 6" blocks.

OK, if you've gotten this far, you're in the home stretch! The rest is easy.

Drain the broccoli/cauliflower and toss into the... you guessed it! Into the cauldron (which by now should have your milk and cream of celery soup already medium hot, RIGHT?)

Add your onion/scallion/celery/mushroom concoction to the cauldron as well.

Stir this all up. Should be looking pretty good. If you like it thinner/less bits and pieces, add more milk. Don't let this boil!!! Medium hot is what you want.

Finally, add the cheddar cheese with stirring so that is melts into the mix. Here's where you get to personalize the potion with the salt, ground pepper, tabasco, and hot sauce... I prefer excesses, but be as timid or as outlandish as you want... Just don't forget you'll have to live with the results.

Now for the surprise ingredient. (Didn't your teachers always tell you to read ALL the directions first?) Parsley. It's a surprise ingredient only because it surprised the hell out of me just now in that I forgot to mention it earlier. Oh well, if you have some around, you're a much more serious cook than I am, and you deserve to add some little chopped up bits to the final product here.

Finally, say a few old celtic words over the cauldron, perform a pagan ritual or two, and enjoy your Spellbinder soup with a friend. Or in a pinch, bandmates will do. Mostly.

Bill